I may need your assistance in clarifying this for me. So apparently a friend of mine said, and I quote, "He's nice and happy, he's gay". Oh I see, so I guess if your a happy person and kind to others that makes you a homosexual or lesbian. That makes so much sense to me! It's not about your sexual preference or the one you love! It's about the way you act! I never knew this. Am I wrong? I guess so.
For crying out loud, this is 2009! Ignorance should not be as big of a problem as it still is today. Why can't we all be equal and loving towards each other? When will people ever learn? I hope to live in a world where people can live amongst each other without this unnecessary ignorance.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
Why Why Why...
Why do I hate you one day and love you the next?
Why do you love me one day and hate me the next?
Why do you give up so easily?
Why do I begin to give in when I know I shouldn't?
Why do you call me?
Why do I answer?
Why do you text me?
Why do I respond?
Why did you have to ruin something so perfect?
Why did I give you everything?
I hate you.
Why do you love me one day and hate me the next?
Why do you give up so easily?
Why do I begin to give in when I know I shouldn't?
Why do you call me?
Why do I answer?
Why do you text me?
Why do I respond?
Why did you have to ruin something so perfect?
Why did I give you everything?
I hate you.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
So Much To Say
Haven't posted a while now haven't I? So much has been going on, I just don't even know where to start. I don't know what to say because I want to say so much all at once. I'm phasing through so many emotions, I don't even know what I'm exactly feeling right now. I don't know if whether I'm down, ecstatic, hyper, bored, or even miserable. I don't understand why it feels like I'm getting an adrenaline rush when there really isn't that much to be excited about. I'm so confused with myself right now and all I want to do is scream from the top of my lungs just so I can breathe, relax, and set everything right.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
I Watch This Everyday
I've always wanted to go to her concerts but I was just never of age. My parents believed that I was too young to go and well they didn't want to go. And now that I'm old enough to go, I'm extremely broke. I should have started saving up once Britney confirmed the tour in an interview. And now all the tickets are sold out and I have no chance of going. Well I know the VIP packages are available still but for that amount of money, I have no chance of going. Even I won't pay that much for an hour and a half, I know I'm cheap. I should start a charity/donations services, it would probably be called "The Send Ben to the Circus Tour: Starring Britney Spears Charity". Hah, but no one would probably donate. Hm oh well, at least watching videos on YouTube makes me feel like I'm somewhat there.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Good Riddance
My family, how to describe them? There's the good, the bad, and the ugly. I am not afraid of stating your name because I am not seven years old anymore, I'm not scared of you, I'm not worshiping your every step any longer. You've lost my respect, adoration, love, and friendship a long time ago. You Jacklyn Marie Calvillo, are the ugly of this family. All you've done is harm everyone and everything. You are shameless and an embarrassment to this family. How you have dignity and hold your head up high with such confidence truly baffles me.
Not only are you an embarrassment to this family, but you are an embarrassment to the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender family. Constantly changing your orientation to Straight, then Lesbian, and then Bi when you're not in a relationship is extrememly embarrassing. You're straight and you only hook up with women to get attention and men just use you because your an accessible access to spread your legs at the drop of a hat. All you are is an attention whore, craving for any significant amount of attention. Yea, Grandma's right, you don't know what you want. Like Aly said, you give a bad name to those orientations you pronounce yourself to be. You have no shame.
I always lived in fear under your presence when I was younger. My parents hated how high of an altar I had placed you in. And they had every right to. I wish I learned a lot sooner but what can I expect, I loved you like a second sister. My little sister. But now that I look at it, I'm glad I learned a little bit later because I was able to watch you fall from that mighty high altar everyone in this family placed you in. I watched you fall rapidly and how you're still falling even after you've reached the ground is rather joyful to watch.
You're the laughing stock in this family, you've become a massive train wreck. A train wreck that can never be recovered. You're long gone. Don't ever think I can reconcile with you. Never again. To think that you were a good person, no you're not. To think you were just a lost soul screaming for help, no you're not. To think I trusted you with every of my secrets, I was an idiot. But like I said, I've learned and I've grown. You don't scare me any longer and if you want to tell my family my secrets then go ahead. Unlike you, I do have dignity and I will defend what is mine. One thing I have that you don't is respect in this family and you have lost that. If you feel the need to say something to me or about me, go ahead, the stage is yours. I'll even provide the spotlight and microphones so you can even tell the entire block. I don't live in fear like you do. I'm proud of who I am and the young man I'm becoming. There's nothing for me to hide anymore.
Goodluck in life, you honestly need it. I don't wish you the best because these past years you've never aimed for the best. Just the easy way out which you never found. I can't say may god bless you to find your way and be with you, but I won't because you've denied him and pushed him away. I honestly believe he doesn't want anything to do with you anymore. Hopefully he's given up because I have, a long time ago.
And to finally lock the door I always left open for you, I want to thank you for ruining our relationship. For ruining your life and letting me open my eyes and witness it all. Every harm you caused. And most importantly, I would love to thank you for making me a stronger person. By giving confidence, dignity, respect, and love towards myself. Thanks to you, I learned what self respect truly is. You are the trash of this family, like trash, it's time we take you out.
Not only are you an embarrassment to this family, but you are an embarrassment to the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender family. Constantly changing your orientation to Straight, then Lesbian, and then Bi when you're not in a relationship is extrememly embarrassing. You're straight and you only hook up with women to get attention and men just use you because your an accessible access to spread your legs at the drop of a hat. All you are is an attention whore, craving for any significant amount of attention. Yea, Grandma's right, you don't know what you want. Like Aly said, you give a bad name to those orientations you pronounce yourself to be. You have no shame.
I always lived in fear under your presence when I was younger. My parents hated how high of an altar I had placed you in. And they had every right to. I wish I learned a lot sooner but what can I expect, I loved you like a second sister. My little sister. But now that I look at it, I'm glad I learned a little bit later because I was able to watch you fall from that mighty high altar everyone in this family placed you in. I watched you fall rapidly and how you're still falling even after you've reached the ground is rather joyful to watch.
You're the laughing stock in this family, you've become a massive train wreck. A train wreck that can never be recovered. You're long gone. Don't ever think I can reconcile with you. Never again. To think that you were a good person, no you're not. To think you were just a lost soul screaming for help, no you're not. To think I trusted you with every of my secrets, I was an idiot. But like I said, I've learned and I've grown. You don't scare me any longer and if you want to tell my family my secrets then go ahead. Unlike you, I do have dignity and I will defend what is mine. One thing I have that you don't is respect in this family and you have lost that. If you feel the need to say something to me or about me, go ahead, the stage is yours. I'll even provide the spotlight and microphones so you can even tell the entire block. I don't live in fear like you do. I'm proud of who I am and the young man I'm becoming. There's nothing for me to hide anymore.
Goodluck in life, you honestly need it. I don't wish you the best because these past years you've never aimed for the best. Just the easy way out which you never found. I can't say may god bless you to find your way and be with you, but I won't because you've denied him and pushed him away. I honestly believe he doesn't want anything to do with you anymore. Hopefully he's given up because I have, a long time ago.
And to finally lock the door I always left open for you, I want to thank you for ruining our relationship. For ruining your life and letting me open my eyes and witness it all. Every harm you caused. And most importantly, I would love to thank you for making me a stronger person. By giving confidence, dignity, respect, and love towards myself. Thanks to you, I learned what self respect truly is. You are the trash of this family, like trash, it's time we take you out.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Me, Myself, and I
I've been feeling so lonely now a days. So out of place, out of sight, isolated from everything and everyone. As cliche as it sounds, I feel lonely even when I'm around several people. Take today for example, I was at John's Incredible Pizza for my nephew's birthday party. My own family gave me the cold shoulder and left me alone. I was so angry at both my brother and mom for making me go. They gave me the guilt trip to get me to go. And for what? So they as well can ignore me for those couple of hours? I just wanted to cry and just yell at everyone. But it's not like anyone in my family takes me serious. According to them, I'm to sane and weird. The only way to get attention in this family is to be a spoiled rotten brat. Yes everyone criticizes you when behind your back. But in the end they'll just adore you for being so cute because you'll throw a tantrum for not getting what you want. My family's pretty stupid huh? Yea.
Anyways, I had fun walking around John's Incredible Pizza watching groups of friends having fun. I was so happy playing arcade games by myself and then when I would luckily get the jackpot and had no one to congratulate me in some sort of way. I enjoyed eating lunch by myself at the corner of a table full of kids I didn't know. Then after getting rushed out of the party room by a waiter(?) because the time limit had excedded. Moving to a table for two and just texting and listening to my iPod was exciting. I know I sound bitter but the emotions running at the time were so devastating. I kept choking up and getting watery-eyed thinking about how lonely I felt and have been for weeks lately.
Then there's school, even around my great friends I feel lonely. I feel so left out around you guys, or them, I don't know. I wish I went to Adry's house today. I wanted to cry when I came back home because I could have had such a good day. But no, another bad day in this terrible week. I blame you Mom and Edson, thanks a lot.
I feel so alone, so lost, so confused. I sound so emotional right now but this is the only way I can keep things without having them bottled up. I guess it helps. I need something to help me escape from this mess.
Anyways, I had fun walking around John's Incredible Pizza watching groups of friends having fun. I was so happy playing arcade games by myself and then when I would luckily get the jackpot and had no one to congratulate me in some sort of way. I enjoyed eating lunch by myself at the corner of a table full of kids I didn't know. Then after getting rushed out of the party room by a waiter(?) because the time limit had excedded. Moving to a table for two and just texting and listening to my iPod was exciting. I know I sound bitter but the emotions running at the time were so devastating. I kept choking up and getting watery-eyed thinking about how lonely I felt and have been for weeks lately.
Then there's school, even around my great friends I feel lonely. I feel so left out around you guys, or them, I don't know. I wish I went to Adry's house today. I wanted to cry when I came back home because I could have had such a good day. But no, another bad day in this terrible week. I blame you Mom and Edson, thanks a lot.
I feel so alone, so lost, so confused. I sound so emotional right now but this is the only way I can keep things without having them bottled up. I guess it helps. I need something to help me escape from this mess.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Brand Spanking New
So I've decided on creating a new blog because I wasn't too fond of my previous one. I reread my previous blog and the little entries I had posted ended up leaving me oh so embarrassed by the end. But then again that's so me, getting embarrassed from the things that I say and do and later running away from it all. I honestly wish I could just forget those things and never remember them ever again. I wish I could just brush things off but I can't. The only way I can forget about them is by telling people of those embarrassing moments that haunt me. But then I think about it and get embarrassed again which makes me not even want to talk about it. I'm so confusing, I wish I could figure myself out one day. The day that happens will be the day on which I have become a new person.
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