Me, Myself, and I

I've been feeling so lonely now a days. So out of place, out of sight, isolated from everything and everyone. As cliche as it sounds, I feel lonely even when I'm around several people. Take today for example, I was at John's Incredible Pizza for my nephew's birthday party. My own family gave me the cold shoulder and left me alone. I was so angry at both my brother and mom for making me go. They gave me the guilt trip to get me to go. And for what? So they as well can ignore me for those couple of hours? I just wanted to cry and just yell at everyone. But it's not like anyone in my family takes me serious. According to them, I'm to sane and weird. The only way to get attention in this family is to be a spoiled rotten brat. Yes everyone criticizes you when behind your back. But in the end they'll just adore you for being so cute because you'll throw a tantrum for not getting what you want. My family's pretty stupid huh? Yea.

Anyways, I had fun walking around John's Incredible Pizza watching groups of friends having fun. I was so happy playing arcade games by myself and then when I would luckily get the jackpot and had no one to congratulate me in some sort of way. I enjoyed eating lunch by myself at the corner of a table full of kids I didn't know. Then after getting rushed out of the party room by a waiter(?) because the time limit had excedded. Moving to a table for two and just texting and listening to my iPod was exciting. I know I sound bitter but the emotions running at the time were so devastating. I kept choking up and getting watery-eyed thinking about how lonely I felt and have been for weeks lately.

Then there's school, even around my great friends I feel lonely. I feel so left out around you guys, or them, I don't know. I wish I went to Adry's house today. I wanted to cry when I came back home because I could have had such a good day. But no, another bad day in this terrible week. I blame you Mom and Edson, thanks a lot.

I feel so alone, so lost, so confused. I sound so emotional right now but this is the only way I can keep things without having them bottled up. I guess it helps. I need something to help me escape from this mess.